Hibernating.

6 Jun 2011


So let’s practice. Instead of distancing ourselves from those among us who are targeted as sluts, lest we get caught in the crossfire, let’s stand together today and say, if you use the word slut as a weapon against one of us, you’re using it against all of us. If you shame one of us, you will receive shame from all of us. If you rape one of us, you will have to answer to all of us.
If you’ve ever been called a slut, stand up now and say together — I am a slut. If you love someone who’s been called a slut — stand up now and say, I am a slut. If you’ve ever been afraid of being called a slut, stand up now and say, I am a slut. If you’ve been blamed for violence that someone else did to you, stand up now and say, I am a slut. If you’re here to demand a world in which what we do with our bodies is nobody’s business, and we can all live our lives and pursue our pleasures free of shame, blame and free, stand up and say it with me: I am a slut. I am a slut. I am a slut.

—Jaclyn Friedman, at SlutWalk Boston.

So let’s practice. Instead of distancing ourselves from those among us who are targeted as sluts, lest we get caught in the crossfire, let’s stand together today and say, if you use the word slut as a weapon against one of us, you’re using it against all of us. If you shame one of us, you will receive shame from all of us. If you rape one of us, you will have to answer to all of us.

If you’ve ever been called a slut, stand up now and say together — I am a slut. If you love someone who’s been called a slut — stand up now and say, I am a slut. If you’ve ever been afraid of being called a slut, stand up now and say, I am a slut. If you’ve been blamed for violence that someone else did to you, stand up now and say, I am a slut. If you’re here to demand a world in which what we do with our bodies is nobody’s business, and we can all live our lives and pursue our pleasures free of shame, blame and free, stand up and say it with me: I am a slut. I am a slut. I am a slut.

—Jaclyn Friedman, at SlutWalk Boston.

3 Feb 2011

“I think we can all recognize that the “it’s a joke excuse” is the most dismissive, self-righteous loophole, created by those who refuse to examine their power, and assume they have not only the right to say whatever they want to people, but the right to control how other people react to what they have said.

24 Jan 2011

“Most of us, in our daily lives, do not think about rape at all. Women, however, do. When I ask women what they do in their daily lives because of the threat of sexual violence, they offer a long list of actions and thought processes – everything from paying attention to where they park their cars to having a man’s voice on their answering machine to holding their keys as a weapon when walking across a parking lot. Every action of women within a rape culture is tainted by that culture. Going to get their mail, driving to work, going out with friends – none of these actions is “free.” One way of thinking about this is to realize that regardless of the statistics about how many women experience a rape or attempted rape within their lifetime, 100% of women experience the threat of rape within a rape culture. This means that all women’s lives are impacted.”

Pornography, Lad Mags, Video Games and Boys:
Reviving the Canary in the Cultural Coalmine
Matthew B. Ezzell (via iwillnotshavemyvagina)

This x1000. Being on guard a majority of the time is exhausting.

(via reclusiveobscenities)

I know a lot of girls who don’t explicitly live in fear of rape or think about it, but it’s still internalized in the ways we do all the simple things mentioned here.

(via tulletulle)

I carry mace and a small knife.

11 Dec 2010

“Let’s talk about rape for a moment. Rape is not what George Lucas did to your childhood. Rape is not what happens when a sports team beats another sports team by a wide margin. Rape is not what happens when your electric bill is higher this month than it was last month. Rape is when a person violates another person in the most despicable, degrading way imaginable and among the myriad of terrible things humans can do to one another, rape is among the worst. I think the casual misappropriation of the concept of rape extending all the way to its widespread comical usage is disgusting even by Internet standards. Off my chest.”

Jeffrey Rowland - Overcompensating (via kinelfire) (via rainbaby) (via unclegarfunkel)

Added in the comic strip page in which this quote originally appeared.

8 Dec 2010

I am SO SICK today of people who can’t see that

1) Wikileaks is important and does good work

2) Julian Assange may be a rapist

and

3) The pursuit by the authorities for the rape charges may be motivated as much by Wikileaks as by a desire to see justice done

are not in any way contradictory positions and could all be simultaneously true.

5 Nov 2010

The People You Meet When You Write About Rape

moreapologies:

From pervocracy:

I could not have said this better in a lifetime. Every post about rape on an major blog is littered with comments from one or all of these people.

Mr. What About The Men
“The real problem here is all these false rape accusations that are destroying our society! 90 million men are falsely accused of rape every second! A woman just has to sort of mumble a word starting with ‘r’ and a man instantly gets a life sentence! There are no instances on record of a woman actually being raped!”

Ms. Tough Girl
“If women would learn martial arts—70-year-olds and women with disabilities can do this if they put their minds to it, darnit—and carry weapons everywhere, no one would ever get raped! All you have to do is be ready to threaten your own friends and lovers with lethal force at any moment, any anyone who can’t do that must be weak or something.”

Mr. Model Victims Only Please
“The victim was no angel herself. If you look at her record, she’s been arrested several times, she’s a single mother, and she’s living on welfare. So it’s not like she was some innocent little virgin beforehand. None of this makes it right, but I’m just saying, let’s not overreact like a good woman got ruined.”

Ms. Fashion Police
“Did you hear what she was wearing? I’m sorry but that’s just not common sense. If you go out looking like a piece of meat, you have to expect you’ll get treated like a piece of meat.”

Mr. I’m Not Blaming Her But It’s Her Fault
“Rape is never the victim’s fault, of course. But I just want people to admit that she has some responsibility. That she maybe played a part in it. That in an alternate universe where she’d done things differently and she lived in a steel Battlemech wearing a chastity belt, she wouldn’t have gotten raped, and she did make the choice to not use a Battlemech. I just need people to acknowledge that.”

Ms. Couples Therapy
“I dunno, seems to me like they both made mistakes. Maybe he just wasn’t reading her signals, or maybe she wasn’t communicating clearly to him. A lot can get caught up in an emotional moment like that and I bet they both feel really bad right now.”

Mr. Offensive And/Or Baffling Metaphor
“Look, if you walk down a dark alley with a wallet stuffed full of money, sure it’s still a crime when you get mugged, but what if the mugger is just trying to feed his family because he was laid off by an evil solicitor and the ghost showed him a lone crutch leaning in the corner?”

Ms. CSI
“If you put the pieces together, her story just doesn’t wash. She claims that he ripped her pants off, but her pants have a button fly. Ha! And she waited a whole forty minutes after the supposed rape to call the police—who would do that?”

Mr. Troll
“lol bitch deserved it loooollll”

Ms. You Don’t Just Get To Decide Whether You Consent
“She was seen earlier in the night drinking with this guy, talking to him, and even making out with him! And then she went up to his apartment! What did she think would happen? No one ever goes to a guy’s apartment unless they’re consenting to every sex act he could possibly want.”

Mr. How Do I Not Rape Someone It Is So Difficult
“I just don’t understand how to tell if someone is ‘consenting’ or not. What if she secretly decides she doesn’t like it—am I a rapist then? What if she changes her mind midway through? Or afterwards? It’s impossible to know what women want, so how am I supposed to know if they want to have sex with me or not?”

Ms. Traditional Values
“You know, back when women dressed modestly and simply didn’t go out drinking with strangers or going home with people they’d just met, this sort of thing didn’t happen.”

Mr. This Wouldn’t Happen If Women Would Just Fuck Me Already
“This sort of thing is inevitable when women constantly act as gatekeepers and doom beta males to a life of frustration and loneliness. Of course rape is horrible, but the pent-up rage felt by men cast aside just because they weren’t billionaire underwear models has to express itself somehow.”

Ms. Avoid The R-Word
“Wow, that is just not cool. Having sex under those circumstances—I mean, treating a girl like that—you know, being inappropriate with her—is a totally insensitive and downright mean thing to do.”

28 Aug 2010

“No, one rape joke does not “cause” someone to go out and commit a rape. But a single rape joke does not exist in a void. It exists in a culture rife with jokes that treat as a punchline a heinous, terrifying crime that leaves most of its survivors forever changed in some material way. It exists in a culture in which millions and millions of women, men, and children will be victimized by perpetrators of sexual violence, many of them multiple times. It exists in a culture in which rape not being treated as seriously as it ought means that vanishingly few survivors of sexual violence see real justice, leaving their assaulters free to create even more survivors. It exists in a culture in which rape is not primarily committed by swarthy strangers lurking in dark alleyways and jumping out of bushes, but primarily by people one knows, who nonetheless fail, as a result of some combination of innate corruption and socialization in a culture that disdains consent and autonomy, to view their victims as human beings deserving of basic dignity. That is the environment into which a rape joke is unleashed—and one cannot argue “it isn’t my rape joke that facilitates rape” any more than a single raindrop in an ocean could claim never to have drowned anyone.”

30 Jul 2010

Today, I got a “Avoid Being a [Rape] Victim” sheet from a college professor that told me I shouldn’t wear a ponytail, talk on my cellphone in public, or be in a grocery store parking lot.

caraobrien:

mohandasgandhi:

prettyyoungtext:

Screw that. I put together a sheet of my own from various other sources to distribute to my classmates tomorrow. I would have liked to include a lot more information, but printing stuff costs money (specifically, my limited funds). With some careful formatting and double-sided printing, the text will fit onto one sheet of paper. I copy/pasted this from Word, so the format and bullet-points may look wonky, but you’re welcome to copy/paste/print this for your own means. Here we go:

What’s wrong with suggesting that women take precautions to prevent being raped?

It’s wrong because it puts the onus on women not to get themselves raped, rather than on men not to do the raping; in short, it blames the victim. (Finally Feminism 101)

A lot has been said about how to prevent rape. Women should learn self-defense. Women should lock themselves in their houses after dark. Women shouldn’t have long hair and women shouldn’t wear short skirts. Women shouldn’t leave drinks unattended. Hell, they shouldn’t dare to get drunk at all. Instead of that bullshit, how about:

If a woman is drunk, don’t rape her.

If a woman is walking alone at night, don’t rape her.

If a woman is drugged and unconscious, don’t rape her.

If a woman is wearing a short skirt, don’t rape her.

If a woman is jogging in a park at 5 am, don’t rape her.

If a woman looks like your ex-girlfriend you’re still hung up on, don’t rape her.

If a woman is asleep in her bed, don’t rape her.

If a woman is asleep in your bed, don’t rape her.

If a woman is doing her laundry, don’t rape her.

If a woman is in a coma, don’t rape her.

If a woman changes her mind in the middle of or about a particular activity, don’t rape her.

If a woman has repeatedly refused a certain activity, don’t rape her.

If a woman is not yet a woman, but a child, don’t rape her.

If your girlfriend or wife is not in the mood, don’t rape her.

If your step-daughter is watching TV, don’t rape her.

If you break into a house and find a woman there, don’t rape her.

If your friend thinks it’s okay to rape someone, tell him it’s not, and that he’s not your friend.

If your “friend” tells you he raped someone, report him to the police.

If your frat-brother or another guy at the party tells you there’s an unconscious woman upstairs and it’s your turn, don’t rape her, call the police and tell the guy he’s a rapist.

Tell your sons, god-sons, nephews, grandsons, sons of friends it’s not okay to rape someone.

Don’t tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.

Don’t imply that she could have avoided it if she’d only done/not done x.

Don’t imply that it’s in any way her fault.

Don’t let silence imply agreement when someone tells you he “got some” with the drunk girl.

Don’t perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions. You can, too, help yourself. (Men Can Stop Rape)

In case you aren’t sure how to avoid raping, here are a few questions you may want to ask yourself:

©       How do you define consent? Have you ever talked about consent with your partner(s) or friends?

©       Do you think it is the other person’s responsibility to say something if they aren’t into what you’re doing? How might someone express that what is happening is not OK? Do you think it is possible to misinterpret silence for consent? Do you think silence is consent?

©       Do you check in as things progress or do you assume the original consent means everything is OK? If someone consents to one thing, do you assume everything else is OK or do you ask before taking things to a different level? Do you think consent can be withdrawn after it’s been given?

©       Do you pursue someone sexually even after they have said they just want to be friends? Do you assume that if someone is affectionate they are probably sexually interested in you? Are you clear about your own intentions?

©       Have you ever tried to talk someone into doing something they showed hesitancy about?

©       If someone is promiscuous, do you think it’s less important to get consent?

©       Do you ever try to get yourself into situations that give you an excuse for touching someone you think would say no if you asked? (i.e., Dancing, getting drunk around them, falling asleep next to them.)

©       Do you ever feel obligated to have sex? Do you ever feel obligated to initiate sex? Do you ever try and make bargains? (i.e., “If you let me______, I’ll do ______for you?”)

©       Do you feel like being in a relationship with someone means that they have an obligation to have sex with you? What if they want to abstain from sex? Do you whine or threaten if you’re not having the amount of sex or kind of sex that you want?

©       Do you think it’s OK to initiate something sexual with someone who’s sleeping? What if the person is your partner?

©       Have you been sexual with people when you were drunk or when they were drunk? Do you seek consent the same way when you are drunk as when you’re sober?

©       Do you initiate conversations about safe sex and birth control applicably? Do you think saying something as vague as “I’ve been tested recently” is enough?

©       Do you think if a person has a body that can get pregnant, it’s up to that person to provide birth control? Do you complain or refuse safe sex or the type of birth control your partner wants to use because it reduces your pleasure?

©       Do you think only men abuse? Do you think that in a relationship between people of the same gender, only the one who is more “manly” abuses?

 

You may want to keep in mind that rapists are often not strangers.

©       73% of sexual assaults were perpetrated by a non-stranger.

©       38% of rapists are a friend or acquaintance.

©       28% are an intimate.

©       7% are a relative.

Rapists are rarely hiding in the bushes. More than 50% of all rape/sexual assault incidents were reported by victims to have occurred within 1 mile of their home or at their home.

©       4 in 10 take place at the victim’s home.

©       2 in 10 take place at the home of a friend, neighbor, or relative.

©       1 in 12 takes place in a parking garage.

©       The average age of a rapist is 31 years old.

©       52% are white.

©       22% of imprisoned rapists report that they are married.

©       In 1 in 3 sexual assaults, the perpetrator was intoxicated — 30% with alcohol, 4% with drugs.

©       In 2001, 11% of rapes involved the use of a weapon.

©       84% of victims reported the use of physical force only.

Rapists rarely serve time in jail for their crimes. 60% of rapes/sexual assaults are not reported to the police, according to a statistical average of the past 5 years. Those rapists, of course, never spend a day in prison. Factoring in unreported rapes, only about 6% of rapists ever serve a day in jail. (Rape Abuse & Incest National Network)

^Everyone needs to read this. And check out my ten billion other posts about rape.

While victim blaming is NEVER okay and NOTHING a woman does/doesn’t do makes rape in any way a woman’s fault, there are precautions that organizations like RAINN promote to reduce the risk of sexual assault. But like they say on their website, “As with any violent crime, there’s nothing you can do to guarantee that you will not be a victim of sexual violence.” 

I’m not trying to diminish the information you present, but the more information, the better. RAINN’s list of ways to reduce your risk covers not just the standard “don’t walk alone” sorts of advice, but also has information for victims of domestic abuse (like how to ensure your privacy on a shared computer) and for women who find themselves being pressured into sex. Like it was mentioned above, rapists are rarely strangers hiding in bushes.

They also list ways men can prevent sexual violence. <—— this isn’t addressed often enough.

Also, something that always irks me: when women become victims, they rarely know how they can cope with the situation legally, emotionally and physically. Neither do their loved ones. We hardly ever address the effects of sexual assault and what victims should do following an attack. This information needs to be promoted so that more perpetrators can be held accountable for their actions, and women can have every possible resource available to them.

What should I do if I am sexually assaulted?

Recovering from sexual assault.

If you know a victim of sexual violence, here are some ways you can help them.

The RAINN hotline is 100% free, confidential and open 24/7: 1-800-656-HOPE.

They also have an online hotline that is free, confidential and open 24/7.

Directory of local crisis centers.

^What you said.

Also, information on how you can know if someone is giving you consent or not.

30 Jul 2010

chickenbonewatt:

femme feminist: Today, I got a “Avoid Being a [Rape] Victim” sheet from a college professor that told me I shouldn’t wear a ponytail,…

lipstick-feminists:

wonderful! this goes back to a conversation i was having with a friend who lives on a college campus. why do so many things tell women how to “prevent” being raped? men can stop [most] rape. it’s not about what a woman wears, or how she looks, or if she’s a virgin or not. here’s a crazy concept: you have no “right” to any part of another person’s body. not to see it, not to touch it, not to do anything to them or their body that they have not consented to.

 Did they give the males a similar sheet admonishing rape, explaining the whole ‘No consent can be implied, unknown or forced’ idea?? Did they, in fact, tell the males that the cause of Rape in 100% of rapes is the RAPIST?? Were they given something that said ‘its sort of OK to rape in these situations……if she wearing Fuck Me pumps or Rape Me clothes…….if she is passed out……..if she is wearing a ponytail……..if you drugged her’???

Big No to all of that, I know. I have yet to hear of a school that targets MEN for their Anti-Rape campaigns.

(via prettyyoungtext)

Sadly, no, which is why I made my own version and passed it out to my classmates.

I didn’t realize my post would get so many likes and reblogs and I really appreciate all the support out there! Here is a Google Doc .odt of “Stop Rape” in the original format.

2 Jul 2010

To the average heterosexual cisgender man, refraining from performing these behaviors is just a fact of life. For women, these feminizing behaviors are enforced from birth, and are extremely difficult to avoid. And when women do refrain from performing these behaviors—when they don’t shave their body hair, don’t cinch their waists and inflate their breasts, don’t teeter on high heels, don’t wear makeup, and don’t wear skirts, just like men don’t—they risk being dismissed as “abnormal” women. In a culture where the privileged experience of the average heterosexual cisgender man is the baseline for “normal,” women are seen as outsiders no matter how they act.

And so when a woman is sexually assaulted—no matter what she’s doing—it’s easy for the culture at large to insist that she’s done something out of the ordinary to bring it upon herself. Because women’s lives are out of the “ordinary.” Because heterosexual cisgender men are born with the privilege of not being systematically targeted as victims of sexual assault. When you say that women who wear too-short skirts, or too-high heels, or too much make up are not sufficiently protecting themselves against rape, what you are really saying is that women who act too much like women deserve to be raped. When you say that women who drink with the boys, or have casual sex like the boys, or walk alone like the boys are not sufficiently protecting themselves against rape, what you are really saying is that women who don’t act enough like women deserve to be raped. And what you are really saying is that women deserve to be raped because they’re women. In a culture where women’s behavior is viewed as alien, it is this attitude that qualifies as “normal.”

When it comes to sexual assault, every neighborhood is a bad neighborhood for a woman.